Every since my dad past away in December of 2009 I keep wondering what this year would of been like if he was still around. Every time my kids say papa I wish they were talking about my dad and not my husbands father and step-dad. I don't think I have really dealt with my dad's passing because I feel that everyone is happy that he is gone and not causing me stress with him always sick and always in and out of the hospital. I know no one will ever say that to my face but if you can't tell someone the truth about something because you are worried about hurting there feelings aren't you still hurting there feelings by not telling someone the truth about anything. I just want to be happy again and enjoy my life and it seems like when I am actually getting there something comes and ruins it all: may it be a death, bad grade in school, husband not working, or even people just pissing you off, I know its life but honestly life sucks sometimes and you just want to hide from it and never come out.
The famous question "What If"; what if I got my dream house would I actually be happy; what if I finally graduated from college would my friends and family actually respect me; what if people told the truth would that make things better; what if.......................
A Poem I wrote back in 1998
Wondering, What If
Life is weird sometimes
You often wonder what life
would be like if you weren't around
You sit and ponder what people
would be like.
I often think what life would
be like if I didn't meet the people I did.
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